I Know Your Name

Hello. My name is Faye. Someday when I own my own house, I want to have the following four words written in a large size of undetermined font on a wall immediately visible to anyone who walks through my front door: I KNOW YOUR NAME. Yeah, sure, some people will find it creepy. That's the point. My greatest fear and greatest desire is to be known, intimately. I've found the same to be true of everyone else I've ever met. We fear intimacy because it makes us vulnerable: all our wounds, weaknesses, failings,and fears become available for exploitation by careless or cruel beings who see them. We crave intimacy because we need to know that we matter; that who we are as unique individuals has some sort of meaning, purpose, worth- we need to know that we're irreplaceable. That knowledge only comes from relationship with someone else. Otherwise, we're just taking up space. So here's the quest: to find someone who knows exactly who I am, why I exist, and loves me. Someone who won't destroy me. I don't think the person I'm looking for is human. I know some darn beautiful people but none of them are perfect. None have ever been able to convince me that I'm somehow irreplaceable. Yet it makes no sense to me that I crave validation for my existence, love, as much as I do if I'm just some random accident of the universe. Why does the idea of purpose even exist in my mind if it doesn't exist somewhere in reality? Purpose, by nature, has a prerequisite for a design or plan, which requires a Planner, a God. Who is mine? If I go with the assumption that all ideas of perfection in my head must have an original in reality, then my God is all loving, all just, all knowing, and all powerful. Well God, what do you want from me? What do you think of me as I am now? Am I just another body or do I have a name to you? I KNOW YOUR NAME. Well, that's just great, God. So does my banker. Actually, she doesn't. Just kidding. I know your name, Faye. I know what it means. I knew your name before you ever existed in space. I know what you were made for, what you are capable of doing, everything that's ever happened to you and in you, or ever happened because of you. You were made to know me, to learn to love me back. Faye means 'Faith'.